


Stone-Cold Coldstone

by sv_you_know_who_I_am



Category: Throne of Glass Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: AU, Ice Cream
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-16
Updated: 2016-09-16
Packaged: 2018-08-15 08:49:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,087
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8049913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sv_you_know_who_I_am/pseuds/sv_you_know_who_I_am
Summary: What happens when Thirteen Ironteeth Witches decide to make a pit-stop for some ice cream?





	Stone-Cold Coldstone

**Author's Note:**

> So I went to get ice cream after the SJM signing last night and started brainstorming about what would happen if the Thirteen were in an ice cream shop. There is no explanation for why the Thirteen are in an ice cream shop, let alone why they’re in our world at all, but I couldn’t help myself. Enjoy!

 

_Ding ding ding ding ding._

The employees of the ice cream shop looked up at the door, and Manon enjoyed how the blood ran from their faces as they beheld thirteen mighty witches streaming into their establishment. One of the employees, a plump teenage girl, stopped mid-eyeroll when she caught sight of the otherworldly women.

“I’d rather eat them than ice cream,” Manon muttered to Asterin, who was grinning widely at the confections spread before them.

“You’ve never tried ice cream,” Asterin pointed out. “Look, they even offer treats for pets. I’m sure Abraxos would appreciate some.”

Manon heard a low growl echo from somewhere unseen outside the shop, and she gritted her teeth. “He heard that. Now I _have_ to get him something.”

Asterin shook with silent laughter, not daring to tease her Wing Leader in public.

The other witches had already lined up at the counter, eyeing the many flavors and combinations. The employees had fallen into terrified silence, but one young man decided to be brave and approach the new guests. Foolish mortal.

“Can I help one of you ladies?” he asked, barely concealing the tremor in his voice. Sorrel snorted. Ladies indeed.

Fallon and Falline drifted up to the counter. “I think I would like a sample,” Fallon said, her voice dark and deadly.

“Oh . . . of course,” the young man said.

Fallon indicated a red-colored cream and the man offered her a taste. She smacked her lips together and said, “Pity. I thought it would taste like blood.”

The plump girl let out a chirp of terror.

Falline requested a simpler flavor and said nothing as she sampled it. The young man’s attention was called away by Vesta, who ordered a sweet cream flavor filled with various kinds of fruits. She flicked her payment at the girl at the register and slunk to the corner, watching everyone else with vigilant golden eyes.

Falline called the young man’s attention back and asked for another sample.

“I’m sorry, limit of two.”

Falline raised her razor-sharp eyebrows. “You gave those to my twin.”

The man blinked and looked back and forth between the identical sisters. Flustered, he wordlessly fulfilled Falline’s request.

In the meantime, Asterin had meandered up to the counter and asked for the most obscene dish Manon had ever witnessed in her life. Chocolate ice cream filled with nuts, candies, and two kinds of syrup, in a bowl dipped in even more chocolate.

As she floated by with her creation, Manon hissed at her, “I have eaten the entrails of men and the sight of that makes me want to throw up.”

Asterin smirked and sauntered over to join Vesta in the corner, looking far too pleased with herself.

While Manon had been glaring at Asterin, Thea and Kaya had been served their fruit-flavored confections and were now feeding each other in the opposite corner of the store, further adding to Manon’s nausea. She watched as Sorrel ordered something that at least looked sensible--a vanilla cream with nuts and crumbs. “At least one of you isn’t utterly insane,” Manon said with a grin. Sorrel just raised her eyebrows and nodded.

“It’s really not so terrible, Wing Leader,” Ghislaine remarked, placing her order for something coffee-flavored that at least sounded like it had some dignity. She offered a taste to Manon, who reluctantly scooped a glob onto her finger and licked it off. Manon was startled by the mingling of bitterness with the sweet flavor, and she pursed her lips and nodded with satisfaction.

“I’ll have that,” Manon said without preamble, turning to the young man at the counter.

“Any fillings?”

Manon blinked at him. “No.” He nodded quickly and began scooping the ice cream into a cone for her. “Oh, and I’ll need one of your concoctions for my . . . pet.” It was idiotic calling Abraxos her pet, but she was quite sure this mortal would piss himself if he knew there was a wyvern waiting outside the store.

The bell on the door dinged again and Manon gritted her teeth. It was such an insufferable sound. Manon looked over her shoulder and saw a middle-aged woman pause as she beheld the various vicious-looking women eating ice cream. A clutch of four children ran about her legs, not paying any mind to the tension in the air. Manon locked eyes with the mother and licked her ice cream in a cruel taunt.

“Mom, I saw a dragon outside!” one of the little boys cried, tugging at his mother’s purse. “It was so cool!”

“There’s no such thing as dragons,” her mother said quietly, herding her children past the witches to the counter, where they all ordered simple ice creams after Imogen and Lin had stepped away from the counter.

“See? Even children have more sense than you,” Manon said to Asterin, whose face was smeared with various shades of chocolate.

“I swear there was a dragon!” the boy insisted.

The mother did not reply this time and instead surveyed the witches, throwing her shoulders back as though daring them to come anywhere near her children.

In spite of herself, Manon was impressed.

She snapped her fingers and all of her witches rose, some still clinging to their desserts. Manon caught a glimpse of the Shadows, who had been eating an ice cream cake straight from the freezer the whole time without anyone noticing. Then, Manon let out a shrill whistle and the earth shook as Abraxos landed outside the storefront. His massive head swerved and peered in through the glass. The little boy hollered in delight.

“ _I told you, Mom_!” he roared. “ _It’s a real dragon_!”

“He’s not a dragon,” Manon said, her eyes alighting with reluctant fondness on the boy. She strode to the door, causing the bell to ring again. Without even looking, she seized the bell in her hand and ripped it from the wall, causing bits of drywall and spackle to crumble away as she tossed it at an employee’s feet. She looked from Abraxos to the boy and grinned. “He’s a wyvern.”

Then she strode through the bell-less door and offered the ice cream treat to her mount, who made it vanished in one bite. The Thirteen streamed out with her and circled around the back of the building to summon their own mounts. Manon leapt onto Abraxos’s back and looked back into the store at the pale-faced mother and employees and the delighted children before urging her wyvern into the air, the rest of her ice cream forgotten.


End file.
